Its been a rough day... mentally.
In case you aren't already aware I've decided to make a major life choice and try to purchase a home, I've been putting it off for a while because I just wasn't sure if I was ready. And today I can think of another reason... I just wanted to purchase my first home with my husband. I didn't want to wait any longer, I wanted this for my son and myself... and today as I was checking out my third home I was just reminded of the fact that all the needs of the home would need to be met by none other than... me.
I grew up with a father who did all the handy work, and I guess I just didn't consider what it would take to get a semi-ready home ready for living in.
It was depressing. I left there feeling pretty low and discouraged. Then all those dark thoughts started creeping in.. I can't do this alone! What am I thinking??? I should just give up now before I embarrass myself yet again on another failed attempt to move forward. Life's funny like that, it likes to pick on me. So I had a small pity party on my way home.. I watched all the homes pass by me as I drove by wondering what it would be like to own one, and wondering if I'd ever get the chance.
But I'm so sick of feeling defeated! I'm so sick of feeling as though I am a burden. I've worked my hiney off my whole life just so I would not be that person that depends on others for their livelihood. I just need one good day. One day where everything goes right. Where God smiles on me and says.. "The world is yours! Go forth and conquer it!!"
Knowing what the Word says about being more than a conqueror (Romans 8:31-9nlt) and knowing that God, as a loving Father, watches over my life daily and cares more for me than I even know, well maybe than He's up there with a plan.
So I guess this is my testimony to show you what I'm facing. And soon you will hear about what God has done to change it, and bless my life. Just wait and see... He won't leave me alone in this, and I've been waiting patiently to see just what He's going to do from here...
"For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:19nlt
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