To say I've been a bit forgetful lately would be a bit of an understatement. The truth? I'm am failing miserably at remembering some of the things that I've been trying to remember.
And what do you do when you can't remember? I don't know, cause I can't remember.
I've started keeping lists. I think that's supposed to be helpful, but then when I go to write these helpful lists I can't remember what I need to put on them. I feel like something is causing my mind to just quit on me. It's awfully inconvenient.
Today I started my day with a giant reminder of just how much I'm losing it. I put all my things on the bench next to the door before I leave for work. I check to make sure I have my bag, my wallet, my bible (I always like to keep that on me), a notebook (I'm always writing thoughts down throughout the day), my water bottle, my phones, and lastly my keys. My keys are pretty easy, I keep them on a hook next to the door. As I walked out the door I had everything (or so I thought) so I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. Just as the door closed I realized I had not grabbed my keys. Mmmhhmmm. Yep, I locked my keys in my apartment. What a crappy start to an already crappy day. I didn't want to get out of bed, I have been having a hard time dealing with the death of one of my favorite patients and I just wanted this week to be over. I tried the back door, no luck. So luckily I had my phone. I called my apartment owners.. the office didn't open until 8:30.. great, it's only 7:45 and I really wanted to start my day at my office. UGH. So I tried walking to a neighbors apartment and nobody answered. OK. So I went and sat in my car. I emailed my office to let them know about my situation. Luckily my caseload wasn't a big one so it wasn't a huge impact. I sat in my car waiting for a phonecall back. I left messages, I TRIED to call the emergency number, but that wasn't working...
I lost all 5 lives on Candy Crush. Then played Temple Run.. I was freezing so I got a blanket and bunkered down. 8:30 finally came so I called the office. No answer. I think I called them every 2 minutes and left a message for anyone who could help. No call-backs. Oh dear LORD. By about 9:00 I was fuming. I was talking with a friend and prayed to God that SOMETHING would work out. I got out of my car and decided to try and find the property manager... by now my neighbor was up and I was able to talk to her to find out where he lived.. I knocked on his door, no answer. My other neighbor had a ladder.. okay, I'd try to break in. I knocked on his door... no answer.
I just love when I'm in need and that happens. NO ANSWER. So I went back to my car and tried the office again.. it was 9:15. FINALLY they answered (it was the woman I'd left a message for and yeah, she never called me back). She was able to contact the property manager and 10 minutes later I was back in my apartment.
As the day went by I was just feeling so frustrated. This is my life lately. I try and try to get an answer, someone to listen to me, help me.. and yet I'm stuck feeling locked out of my apartment with no one to help. Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 31. And if you've been following my blog you'd know that it's been a hard one for me. Losing that patient has really taken its toll on my heart and I just didn't feel up to celebrating. People wanted to celebrate it.. but I just can't. At the end of my day I was at a patient's house and was processing all the frustrations of the day.. getting locked out, having personal issues with close family... as I was finishing up I had this thought. I just can't let the bad things make me feel bad. Because they are. And so, when things with the current patient worked out I kept saying VICTORY!! It was funny. The patient's wife laughed at my taking victory over such little things, but I think she gets it. I think anyone who feels like they've been having one disappointment after another just needs to start celebrating even the smallest victories.
As I was leaving it was raining.. I had left my car window open, and instead of feeling frustrated I said, "No, I'm not going to let bad things make me feel bad." Lol.
So I'm forgetful. I can't always remember everything, right? I remember my name, and how to drive, and who I love... I remember lots of things. I'll just have to take small victories in the small things for now, because with the amount of crap I have to remember on a daily basis I'm bound to forget something, and I'm grateful its not something big like the fact that God loves me, and He has a MUCH better memory than I do, so if I ever forget that I know He'll remind me.
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