Rainy days blog.

I have a short schedule today.  I'm pretty grateful too because I was in need of a small day.  My head just didn't want to leave my pillow this morning...

I just love rainy days.  No I really do.  I think I'd enjoy it better with a screened in front porch, a rocking chair, and a cup of hot coffee right now, but since I only have 1 out of those 3 things I'll just have to make due.

This got me thinking about something that's been on my mind a lot these last few days... why am I so obsessed with having so much so soon?  Sure I want nice things, but if I really thought about it those are things you work your whole life for!  So I've changed my mentality a bit.  I've decided to stop trying to get everything I want now, and start to work on what I'd like my future to look like.  I recently picked up a book called "The 7 habits of highly effective people." and what I hope to get from it is habits and ethics I can ingrain into myself now so that when I'm old and grey I'm not scrambling to pay the bills.  No offense America, but I'd rather not leave my elderly fate to Social Security.  I've seen just how fabulously they take care of the older community, and I'm just saying... NO THANKS.

So I will be 31 on Thursday.  I'd decided to make a plan.. I'm going to get myself out of this apartment and into a house.  And in the 30 years it takes to pay off that mortgage I will be working hard to build not only a nice nest egg,  but also something I can leave to my son.

I don't need flat screen tv's or any other expensive device's.  They are just time waster's anyway.  What I do need is a foundation under my feet, and roots in the ground.  Those should come first!  The rest should follow.. but that foundation is my number 1 priority right now!  So there's my plan.  And as I go along I'll let you know how it's working out!  So far I know what I need to do right now.. and that's build a functional baseline.. I have the tools to do so, I know what needs to be done, it's just getting into the habit of doing it that has been the problem.. hence the book...

So my hope is that by this time next year I will be settled into a new home, Ethan will be settled into a new school, and I will be a highly effective-good-habit machine!

I could never do all this or think this way on my own.. I guess God wants me to pull it together, so the position I was talking about in my other blog has been filled.. by Jesus... lol.

Ok Jesus.. let's do this!

Well THIS is embarrassing...

So I have a confession to make.. I am a drama queen.  Yeah.. last night's blog was horribly over-dramatic. I can only say that my emotional rants can be compared to a drunk person.  I remember last night, but I'm totally regretting it the next day.  I don't have the hangovers, cause I'm not drunk, but still... it seems just as bad.

I'm so embarrassed about how dramatic I can be sometimes.. I just think maybe I need someone to reel me in, slap me and say, "Get ahold of yourself, woman!!"  Yeah.  So that position is open if anyone is interested.. **wink**

I'm also horribly uneducated with the experience of buying a home.  No one can fully prepare you for just how scary it is.  It has be to experienced along the way.  I did fall in love with the last home, but like most things in my life I've learned to turn it over to God for His approval.  Plus, I didn't like the selling agent.. she was kind of a... uh.. not nice person.  SEE??? i DIDN'T SWEAR!! Score 1 for JossyB!!!

Anywho.. that's where you find me today.  Getting over the loss of a potential home, and finding out about lots of neat words like escrow and down-payment and closing costs.. oh my!  Turns out you need a good chunk of money saved up to buy a home easily.. but I'm going to do it the hard way.. so goes the story with the rest of my life.  Unless someone wants to gift me $10,000?

Stress sleep is not the best sleep...

I'm going to bed after a night full of reminders of just why my awesome life is so stress-filled.  I am just one bad backache away from being in the hole financially.. ugh.  I'm so mad at myself.  But seriously, I only went to the doctor because something didn't feel right.. my back STILL hurts.. but now I'm getting the bills and regretting it.  It's pretty sad that I regret going to the doctor because I can't pay the bill.

Ugh.  I used to have great insurance.  I used to have a lot of good things.. but lately I just feel like my life is in a vice grip and I'm slowly being squeezed to death.  It's unfortunate that I have to eat and buy gas... and it's even worse that I have to pay for electricity.  I'm considering selling all my stuff and living in someone's basement for a year just so I can get some debt paid off and money saved up!  UGH.

Stupid money.  It's STUPID.  I wish I could pay my bills with cupcakes and sandwiches.. I can do those! But money??? I just don't have enough of that.

Organizing fail.

There's a small problem with me needing to organize my apartment.. once I start I can't help but work on the smallest detail.  So cleaning to me is very complicated.  I cannot simply clean, I have never been capable of that.  Instead, when I begin the task at hand I then recognize every fault and imperfection.. every out of place object, every weakly organized item.  I start cleaning and suddenly every problem starts screaming at me.

I started cleaning last night.  That became me taking down pictures, candles and such that need to be packed away.. I got tired and went to bed.  As I drove home from church I started thinking about everything I need to get done.  I planned to get so much done!!

What have I accomplished in the 4 hours that I've been home?  Well, I've fixed my printer.  Uh.. I finished my thank you letter... I made an iced coffee slushie...I've written a blog for my It's me.. jossyb blog...

Ok, I admit it, I am a master at putting things off.  I've done more non-essential things than what I'm supposed to be doing.  So here's the thing.. its another bad habit I have to break!!  I need to stop being a procrastinator!  Tomorrow. ahaha. Sorry, I thought that was funny.  Can't wait til tomorrow, I guess it'll have to happen today. Because what is today but yesterday's tomorrow?  So if you need me I'll be working to remove yet another bad habit!

So far that's #3!  No more swearing, going to bed on time, and stop wasting time!  Geez, if I actually do this I'm going to be one pulled together lady!!!

Ohhhh the humanity!

Today I had the opportunity to fall in love.  And when I say I'm in love, I say it broke my heart driving away.. from what you ask?  Well, it's house No. 5.  I have been house-hunting for a little over 3 weeks now.  I've seen about 9 houses so far.  The first 4 were a nightmare.  They had basements that would make you feel like you were in the movie "The Blair Witch Project" and in neighborhoods that would make you feel like you'd have to lock your windows, doors and get an armed guard.

What a crazy ride this has been for me.  I've been praying for more lately. More good things, more blessings.. you know, MORE!  There's a few scripture verses that I've been clinging to these last few days..

"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." Luke 6:38

 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I was told that we should remind God of His promises, not for His sake, cause obviously He already knows them, but for our own.  So as I'm going through this experience of buying a home I am constantly reminding God of His promises for me.  And dear Father in Heaven.. I can't help but feel hopeful.

Today filled me with hope.  And I just want to have all of what God has for me!!

I'm going to throw MYSELF a party.

My birthday is one week from today.  Yeah, I'm getting to the age where every time I think about how old I am I almost don't want to think about it.

I think by this age most people are married, have their college diploma in whatever career they are currently a year or so into.. They've had their fun.  They got to do the young thing...But me? That wasn't really something I had time for.  I was busy raising a baby.  I got pregnant at 16 and had to quit school.. we won't say why... no you know what? You should know!  I didn't finish school because I was told I'd have to hire a tutor and get myself through, and since I was 16 and didn't have any money, well that wasn't going to happen.  So I quit and got my GED. Everyone's always saying it's the same thing, but let me point out why it's NOT.

A.  I didn't get to go to my prom
B.  I didn't get to graduate with my classmates
C.  I didn't get to go on the Senior trip
D.  I have to go back to school if I ever want to go to college because of missing credits.
And E.  It's not the same because it's not the same.

It was pretty horrible watching my friends graduate without me.  A memory that has been stolen from me, if you ask my opinion.  And its still a sore subject.  But what can I do about it now? Nothing.  So move on.

I'm going to be 31 next week.  I will be 31 with a 13 year old.  And just what have I accomplished?  If you go by the worlds standards then not much.  I have had the same job for almost 8 years, but that's really only one small accomplishment according to the world.

But to me?  This age feels like a badge of honor.  I've survived some pretty stormy seas, and now I can look back and say with confidence that I have accomplished a lot.  I'm able to live on my own.. I'm still a little bit weak kneed about it, but heck, nowadays who isn't??  I love my job, I love my friends and family, I love my church, I love that I have a car and the freedom to drive where I need to go.  I love a lot about my life.  Sure there are things I wish I could change, but for the most part I'm pretty happy with what I have, and feeling that way at 31?  I think that's an accomplishment.

I never got a party for my 30th.  I was pretty excited about turning 30, and no one recognized it by throwing me a party and buying me cake.  It's ok.  I'll forgive you all.  But you should know, I'm throwing MYSELF a party, and you're not invited.  ;)

Clean clothes

Oh my gosh! I'm feeling pretty rich right now!! Why? Well because all my clothes are clean!! And that's all due to my wonderful friend Linda!  She's one of those "been there, done that" ladies and if she's taught me anything it's that  people who help out merely just to help do exist!

I just did three loads of laundry at her house and was there until 11pm and she didn't even bat an eye! God bless you, Linda! 

I can't wait for the day when I can return the favor.., ya hear that Linda?? If one day you need to come do laundry at MY house until 11 at night you bet your butt I'll be there for you!

I love doing laundry! It's like going shopping except without spending money. ;) The best part is that I usually forget what I own, so when I finally finish I see the things I haven't been able to wear and throw a parade in my room in honor of my clean clothes! 

It's an exciting day folks! And yes, I really do get this excited over clean clothes! That's a luxury I can't always afford! It's the little things, yo.